This is gonna be another impromptu post, but man. Man. RIP Chadwick Boseman. F*ck cancer. I remember being so excited to purchase a Black Panther movie poster for my bedroom after seeing the movie back in 2018. I never had a single poster for my room in my entire life but I knew I had to get that one once I saw BP. The fact that so many of us can have pride in his performances not just as King T’Challa, but as countless Black icons doesn’t even begin to describe his significance. And to do all of it while secretly battling stage III and IV cancer? This hurts so much. It feels like a part of me is crushed. F*ck 2020 man.
This year has been nothing short of terrible. Just terrible, brutal, and overwhelming. This election, this pandemic, the explosion of police brutality, the quarantine, the protests, the threat of wars, the death of Kobe, the death of 180,000+ Americans, the apathy, the incompetence, It’s all so much. It’s like we’re drowning but surfacing every so often and each time we have a chance to breathe, another wave pulls us under. It’s a vicious cycle that’s left us no space to exhale and we don’t know when it will end.
I really feel for my fellow Black brothers and sisters. We’ve suffered so much and this year has been like an extra ton added on to our pain. Not only do we have the highest death rates from COVID-19, but we’re getting killed in the streets by the people who are supposedly here to protect us. We’re venturing out into a deadly pandemic to make our voices heard, but we’re being met with violent opposition from militarized police and white supremacists. We want to grieve and say goodbye to our loved ones whom we’ve lost, but once we do another tragedy hit us. We’re breaking down so much. We’re weary. But somehow we keep going in this troubled time.
I liken 2020 to the song “Cranes in the Sky” by Solange (https://youtu.be/S0qrinhNnOM). No matter what we do or how we try to avoid it, there’s nothing to escape the overwhelming cloud of gloom and dread. We’ve tried to drink it away, put one in the air, and dance it away but our favorite places to celebrate and congregate with our loved ones are closed due to the pandemic. We’ve ran our credit card bills up just to survive since the economy is in shambles and our government won’t do nothing more than the bare minimum to help us. We’ve tried to work it away and keep ourselves busy, but working at home serves us the constant reminder that the our country is closed off. There are people around the world dying by the thousands and our front line workers and countless families are suffer. It’s all like cranes in the sky baby, and right now all I feel are those metal clouds just hanging over and reminding us how bleak everything is.
With four months to go until the clock strikes midnight on 2020, it’s hard to keep going. No one knows what’s around the corner, what will devastate us next. We don’t know if the wave will finally pull us under for good. I wish we’re closer to shore than we think. I wish the sea calms and allows us a chance to catch out breaths before the storm starts up again, at least. The funny thing is, back in 2016, when we were declaring that the worst year ever, I held out hope the there would be some miraculous moment that would make it salvageable and redeem itself. I have no hope of that happening with the remaining months in 2020. Nevertheless, I’ll leave you with the words of Sam Cooke from “A Change is Gonna Come”, a favorite song of mine that I like to listen to when I’m feeling down and what many consider the theme song for the Civil Rights movement:
There were times that I thought I couldn’t last for long,
But right now I think I’m able to carry on.
